Well here it is, Sunday. The day of the week I've committed to documenting the Current State of Me. Right now, being me mostly involves sweat, sleep deprivation, and procrastination -- the latter embodied by the fact that I'm writing this instead of getting through the second half of the 500 page book I have to read by tomorrow.
It's near 100 degrees in New York City, which means it's airless and oppressive and awful. This is the sort of weather that immediately evokes certain rites of my youth -- lying sticky and exhausted across the seats on the back of the bus home from day camp; walking down Broadway to a friend's house in the thick glow of diffused streetlight, some Song of Summer blasting from the passing cars; being 16 and gripping sweaty beer cans in the park at 1am. And those endless nights of my college vacations, when my best friend and I would tumble out onto the streets of the far west side, dripping with dance floor sweat and the last dregs of chemical euphoria, and hail a cab up the West Side Highway just as the sky began to lighten.
I romanticize the misery of the New York heatwave quite a lot, even though these days it's more likely to end with me fending off a migraine than in an electric haze of sensual promise. New York is always in flux generally, and I sometimes have trouble with the boundaries between the city of my youth as it actually was, the city of my youth as I remember it when I'm nostalgic, and the city of my adult life - a place of bills, career, early mornings, and very little drinking.
As I write I worry that I'm getting away from what I'm supposed to be doing, which is assessing myself in the current moment. But I guess the truth is that in New York City, my current moment glides through past ones more literally than it does anywhere else. And I experience this most vividly in the summer when it's hot -- summer is already a sort of childhood dreamscape in the cultural imagination, and the atmosphere so tactile that it puts you in a constant state of sense-memory.
Anyway, enough with the slippery nature of time. My life right now is aspirin, air-conditioning, a long book to read, and way more iced coffee to consume. And that's just fine with me.